Chii Chinonzi Kushanda Kwepfungwa?
Izwi rekuti basa remoyo rakatanga kuumbwa nenyanzvi yezvemagariro evanhu Arlie Hochschild mubhuku rake ra1983 pamusoro penyaya iyi, The Managed Heart . Tsanangudzo yekutanga yaHochschild yaireva basa rekutonga manzwiro ako aidiwa nemamwe mabasa. Somuenzaniso, vashandi vomundege vanotarisirwa kunyemwerera uye kuva noushamwari kunyange mumamiriro ezvinhu anonetsa. Ndiko kushanda kwepfungwa. Asi temu iyi yave kushanda kuzvinhu zviri kunze kwenzvimbo yebasa. Mukushandiswa kwemazuva ano, kushanda kwepfungwa kunonyanya kushandiswa kutsanangura kushanda kunoitika munharaunda, uye inodiwa kuchengetedza imba ichifamba zvakanaka. Apo mumwe mukwanyina anenge achiita rakawanda reiri basa—kuchenesa imba, kutarisira rudungwe rwevana, kutumira makadhi ezororo kuhama dzokunyama, kuunza girosari kumubereki akwegura, uye zvakawanda—kupfuura mumwe wacho, kunogona kutungamirira nyore nyore kupfundepfunde nokusawirirana.
Izvi hazvireve kuti zvinoshanda kumabasa ese epamba. Yakabvunzwa na The Atlantic kungave kushanda kwepfungwa kuve munhu ari muvaviri anogara ari RSVPs kumabiko akoka, uye unoita shuwa kuti unofonera nhengo dzemhuri yako kazhinji zvakakwana, uye uchirangarira mazuva ekuzvarwa, akadaro, Kwete. Zvinogona kudaro, kana iwe uchinzwa kuremerwa uye kugumbuka uye uri kutonga chigumbu chako.
Maitiro ekuenzanisa Emotional Labor muhukama
1. Nzwisisa Iwe neMudiwa Wako Dynamic
Nhanho yekutanga mukugadzirisa dambudziko, zvisinei nerudzi rwedambudziko, kuritsanangura. Mukudyidzana kwevanhukadzi, basa repfungwa rinowanzowira kuvakadzi, avo vanowanzogadziriswa uye kushamwaridzana kuti vatore hupenyu hwemanzwiro evamwe. Asi zvakadiniko nevaroorani vane mitezo mimwe cheteyo yevatano kana kuti varoorani vane mitezo mimwe cheteyo yevatano umo mugove weshumba wenhamo inowira pamurume? Kusaenzana kwekushanda kwepfungwa hakuiti nguva dzose kunoenderana nevarume, asi kutsanangura simba remudiwa wako kwakakosha zvakadaro. Funga zvakadzama nezvekuti ndiani ari kuita rakawanda rebasa pamba. Kubvuma kusaenzana kunodiwa kuti ugadzirise.
2. Taura Nezvazvo
Kuti chero shanduko iitwe, iwe nemumwe wako munofanira kunge muri papeji imwe chete. Asi unoita sei pakuita hurukuro iyi ingangove yakaoma? Per Erin Wiley, chipangamazano chewanano uye director director we Iyo Willow Center , apa ndipo panofanira kutanga nyoro. Yakagadzirwa ne Gottman Institute , ndiyo pfungwa yokuti nharo inopera nenzira imwechete iyo inotanga, saka kana iwe ukapinda mairi izere nekupomerwa uye negativity, haizoperi zvakanaka. Chaizvoizvo, iwe unoda kunyunyuta pasina chero mhosva, anodaro. Nangidzira ngwariro pachokwadi. Pamuenzaniso wokusuka ndiro, ungati: ‘Ndinonzwa kuremerwa paunonditarisa pandinenge ndichiita izvi nokuti zvinoita kuti ndinzwe sokuti ndiri kutongwa.’ Izvi zvinobatsira zvikuru pane kuti, ‘Kana ukatarira kure pandiri imwezve nguva, handifi ndakaisa muchina wokusuka ndiro uyu zvakare.’ Vavariro yako inofanira kuva kunyunyuta asi kubvisa kutsoropodza kupi nokupi kuri pachena kana kuti matauriro asina kunaka.
Iwe zvakare unofanirwa kuziva kuti iyi haisi nhaurirano yenguva imwe chete, kunova uko kunouya nguva nenguva. Kana uchinge wauya neimwe nzira yakaenzana yekushanda, gadzira cheki-yekukurumidza (izvi zvinogona kunge, senge, maminetsi gumi pasvondo kana mamwe svondo rega rega) kutaura nezvekuti mese muri kunzwa zvakanaka here kana kuti kwete. kupatsanurwa kwebasa. Kutora tembiricha yako yekushanda kwemoyo nguva dzose inzira huru yekuona nekugadzirisa zvidiki zvidiki vasati vawana mukana wekuve matambudziko makuru.
3. Ita Kuti Basa Risingaoneki Rionekwe
Yakagadzirwa muchinyorwa cha1987 nenyanzvi yezvemagariro evanhu Arlene Daniels , basa risingaoneki rinoreva basa risingabhadharwi rinoenda risingaonekwi, risingabvumwi uye nokudaro, risingadzorwi. Mukuwandirwa kwevarume nevakadzi, vanhukadzi vanogaropihwa mabasa aya asingaonekwi, zvichireva kuti kuwanda kwemabasa arikuitwa anogona kusatomboonekwa nemurume ari muhukama. Kana uchinzwa sokuti mumwe wako haatombozivi kuti uri kuita zvakawanda sei, funga kugara pasi wonyora zvinhu zvose zvinofanira kuitwa kuti mhuri yako ifambe zvakanaka, uye cherechedza kuti ndeupi mumwe wako ane basa rekuita rimwe nerimwe. Kuona runyoro rwemuviri kunogona kuvhura ziso kune mese: Unogona kunge wakajairira kuita zvese zvekuti haunyatso ziva kuti ibasa rakawanda sei riri kuwira pamapfudzi ako, uye mumwe wako anogona kusanzwisisa kuti yakawanda sei. zvinotora kuronga imba yako nehupenyu.
4. Tarisa paKuzvishandura
Munyika yakanaka, kana mumwe wako akaziva kusaenzana mukushanda kwepfungwa, ivo vanogamuchira ruzivo irworwo uye vanoedza kuenzanisa zvinhu kunze. Asi hechino chinhu: kunyangwe kana mumwe wako asingakwanisi kana asingadi kuregeredza pamabasa aya, unogona kuchinja. Dr. Candice Hargons, Ph.D., mubatsiri wepurofesa paYunivhesiti yeKentucky uye chiremba wepfungwa ane rezinesi, akaudza. Iyo New York Times , Runako rwevaviri dynamics ndeyekuti kana munhu mumwe akachinja, vaviri vakachinja. Kana munhu ari kupengeswa manzwiro achienda kunorapwa ega uye akadzidza kurega rimwe rebasa rekushanda mupfungwa, mumwe wacho ane sarudzo yekuenda kune mumwe mudiwa kana kutanga kutarisira zvido zvavo zvepfungwa uye zvinodiwa nemhuri zvakasiyana.
5. Rangarira Kuti Mumwe Wako Haasi Mind Reader
Kunyanya kana zvasvika pakushanda kusingaoneki, zvakakosha kuziva kuti mumwe wako anogona kunge asina hanya zvachose nehuwandu hwebasa rauri kuita, zvichireva kuti kuramba kwavo kuri pachena kunobatsira kunobva mukusaziva pane hutsinye. Maererano neuropsychologist Dr. Sanam Hafeez , 'Isu tinowanzo kutumira zviratidzo kune mumwe wedu kuti zviito zvavo hazvisi kutifadza, asi zviratidzo hazvina kujeka, zvisingatauri-hasha uye hazvizvidavirire nenyaya yekuti radar yemudiwa wako inogona kunge isiri kuverenga mumasaini ako. Saka mikana ndeyekugomera kusinganzwisisike, kudonhedza maziso uye kugunun'una pasi pekufema kwako kungave kuvhiringa mumwe wako kana kuenda kusingaonekwe.
Pane kudaro, Hafeez anopa zano rekutora imwe yeaya mitsara kunze kwekutenderera nguva inotevera yako S.O. kushaya hanya kubatsira:
- Zvinoita kuti ndinzwe sekuti handina munhu wekuvimba naye pazvinhu zvidiki.
- Ndinoda kuti uchengete shoko rako paunoti uchaita chimwe chinhu. Zvinorema kana ndichifanira kuita zvinhu zvakawanda kupfuura zvandinofanira kuita.
Ichi ndicho chikonzero mitsara iyi inoshanda: Uri kutaura pachena zvaunotarisira uye kuti zvinokuita kuti unzwe sei kana zvikasaitwa. Izvo zvinonyatsoita kuti mumwe wako arege kukoshesa zvinhu zvakafanana zvaunoita, kunyanya ruzivo uye mabasa epamba, Hafeez anotsanangura. Asi chinangwa chekuva muhukama kudzidza kuregeredza, kusimbisa uye kubatsira mukuvandudza zvinhu zvine chekuita nemumwe wako.
6. Ipai Positive Feedback yePositive Change
Ngatitii mumwe wako akanga akazaruka kuti atore mamwe mabasa epfungwa. Kunyange kana iwe uchinzwa sekuti hukama hwako hunofanira kunge hwakaenzana kare kare, zvakakosha kuziva shanduko yakanaka yakaitwa nemumwe wako. Munhu wese anofarira kunzwa achikosheswa, asi kuva muukama hwenguva refu kunogona kureva kuti munotanga kukoshesana. Chidzidzo chakaburitswa mujenari Hukama Hwega vakawana kuti kuonga chinhu chinokosha kumuchato une utano uye unobudirira. Muchokwadi, vatsvakurudzi vakaona kuti chiito chiri nyore chekutaura kuti mazvita kune mumwe wako nguva dzose chinogona kuva nesimba rakakwana kudzivirira kurambana kwevakaroorana.
The Bottom Line
Kune vanhu vazhinji, kutora chikamu chikuru chebasa remupfungwa kumba kunogona kunetesa zvese mumuviri nepfungwa. Asi rombo rakanaka, kushandura simba pakati pebasa raunoita iwe nemumwe wako hakuna kuoma. Kubva pakubvuma kusaenzana kusvika pakumisikidza nguva nenguva kuti uve nechokwadi chekuti uri kuchengetedza chikamu chakaenzana chemabasa epamba, kuenzanisa basa remoyo muhukama hwako inhanho inodiwa kuti uve nechokwadi chekuti iwe nemumwe wako mune mufaro.
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