Pfungwa yerudo pakutanga kuona haisi itsva (kutarisa iwe, Romeo naJuliet). Asi kubva pamazuva aShakespeare, nyanzvi dzezveuropi dzakawana zvakawanda pamusoro pezvinoitwa nerudo kuhuropi hwedu padanho rebiological. Isu tave kuziva kuti mahormone nemakemikari anokanganisa kuita kwedu sarudzo nekududzira kwezviitiko. Isu takaisa rudo rwakadzikama mumatanho chaiwo, mhando uye masitaera ekutaurirana. Asi, pachine chimwe chinhu chisingaenzaniswi pamusoro perudo pakutanga kuona, zvichida chikonzero 56 muzana yevaAmerica tenda mazviri. Saka manje ndizvo manzwiro iwayo—uye rudo pakutanga nderwechokwadi here?
Gabrielle Usatynski, MA, chipangamazano ane rezinesi uye munyori webhuku riri kuuya, Iyo Power Couple Formula , rinoti, Mubvunzo wokuti rudo pakutanga ndorwechokwadi here kana kuti kwete unotsamira pane zvatinoreva neshoko rokuti ‘chaiyo.’ Kana mubvunzo uri wokuti, ‘Tingatanga here kudanana?’ Mhinduro ndihungu. Kana mubvunzo uri wokuti, ‘Rudo panzvimbo yokutanga rudo here?’ Eya, ikoko kunotsamira pamatsananguriro aunoita shoko rokuti ‘rudo.’
Tsanangudzo yemunhu wese inogona kunge yakasiyana, saka funga kuti paunoverenga zvese nezve kushamisa kuri rudo pakutanga kuona.
Ruchiva, mhindumupindu uye maonerwo ekutanga
Sayenzi uye chikonzero zvinotiudza kuti rudo pakutanga kuona ruchiva pakutanga kuona . Hapana nzira yerudo — ingangoita yepedyo, isina magumo, yakazvipira rudo — inogona kuitika pakati pevanhu vaviri vasina kumboonana kana kutaura kune mumwe nemumwe. Kukumbira ruregerero, Romeo.
Zvisinei! Maonerwo ekutanga ane simba rinoshamisa uye zviitiko zvechokwadi. Uropi hwedu hunotora pakati pechigumi chesekondi uye hafu yeminiti kumisa fungidziro yekutanga. Princeton University's Alexander Todorov anoudza BBC kuti mukati menguva pfupi inotyisa, tinosarudza kana mumwe munhu akanaka, akavimbika uye ane simba rekushanduka-shanduka. Ned Presnall, LCSW uye inozivikanwa munyika nyanzvi yehutano hwepfungwa , inoronga nguva ino sechikamu chekusvika-kudzivisa kunetsana.
Sevanhu, isu takashanduka kuti tipindure nekukurumidza kana chinhu chepamusoro chekupona chikayambuka nzira yedu. Vakaroorana vanodiwa zvikuru [zvakakosha] kuti isu tibudirire kupfuudza kodhi yedu yemavara okugara nhaka, anodaro Presnall. Ukaona mumwe munhu anokonzera kuti uwane 'rudo pakutanga,' uropi hwako hunovaratidza sechinhu chakakosha zvikuru kuchengetedza kuzvarwa uye kurarama kwevana.
Zvikuru, tinoona waanogona kuroorana naye anoita semumiriri akasimba wekubereka, tinovachiva, tinofunga kuti rudo pakutanga, saka tinoenda kwavari. Dambudziko chete? Muzvinafundo Todorov anoti vanhu vanowanzoda namatira kune zvinoonekwa pakutanga kunyange pashure pokunge nguva yapfuura kana kuti tinodzidza mashoko matsva, anopokanidza. Izvi zvinozivikanwa sehalo effect.
Chii chinonzi 'halo effect'?
Kana vanhu vachikurukura nezverudo pekutanga kuona, vazhinji vari kunongedzera iko iko iko iko kubatana kwemuviri, anodaro Marisa T. Cohen , PhD. Nekuda kweiyo halo mhedzisiro, isu tinogona kufungidzira zvinhu nezve vanhu zvichibva pane iyo yekutanga fungidziro. Nekuti mumwe munhu anotaridzika zvakanaka kwatiri, zvinokanganisa maonero atinoita humwe hunhu hwavo. Vane chitarisiko chakanaka, saka vanofanirwawo kusetsa uye vakangwara uye vakapfuma uye vanotonhorera.
Brains murudo
Dr. Helen Fisher neboka rake revasayendisiti paRutgers University vanopomera uropi nokuda kweiyi halo effect—nezvimwe. Vanoti zvikwata zvitatu zverudo ndizvo ruchiva, kukwezva uye kunamatira . Ruchiva kazhinji ndiyo nhanho yekutanga uye iyo yakanyatsobatanidzwa nerudo pakutanga kuona. Kana isu tichichiva mumwe munhu, huropi hwedu hunoudza maitiro edu ekubereka kuti abudise mamwe testosterone uye estrogen. Zvakare, nekushanduka-shanduka, miviri yedu inofunga kuti inguva yekubereka. Isu takatarisana nekuswedera uye kuchengetedza mumwe wake.
Kukwezva rinotevera. Inotungidzwa ne dopamine, hormone yemubairo yakanangana nekupindwa muropa, uye norepinephrine, kurwa kana kubhururuka kwehomoni, kukwezva kunoratidza chikamu chemuchato chehukama. Sezvineiwo, rudo panguva ino runogona kudzikisa mazinga edu e serotonin, zvichikonzera kudzvinyirirwa kwechido uye kushanduka kukuru kwemafungiro.
Yako limbic system (iyo 'inoda' chikamu chehuropi hwako) inopinda mukati, uye yako prefrontal cortex (chikamu chekuita sarudzo chehuropi hwako) inotora kumashure, Presnall inotaura nezvematanho ekutanga.
Aya anonzwa-zvakanaka, donhe-zvese-kuva-ne-iwo mahormone anotigonesa kuti tiri kusangana nerudo rwechokwadi. Nehunyanzvi, isu tiri! Mahormone uye manzwiro avanoburitsa ndezvechokwadi. Asi rudo rusingaperi haruitike kusvika pachikamu chekunamatira. Mushure mekunge tasvika pakuziva mudiwa kwenguva yakati rebei, tinoona kana ruchiva rwakura kuita kubatanidzwa.
Panguva yekubatana, njere dzedu dzinobudisa yakawanda oxytocin, hormone yekubatana iyo inobudiswawo panguva yekusununguka uye kuyamwisa. (Inodaidzwa kunzi cuddle hormone, inoyevedza AF.)
Zvidzidzo zverudo pakutanga kuona
Hakusati kwave nezvidzidzo zvakawanda zvakaitwa pachiitiko cherudo pakutanga kuona. Idzo dziriko dzinotarisa zvakanyanya pahukama hwepabonde uye mabasa echikadzi. Saka, tora zvinotevera netsanga yemunyu.
Chidzidzo chinonyanya kutaurwa chinobva kuYunivhesiti yeGroningen muNetherlands. Muongorori Florian Zsok nechikwata chake vakawana rudo pekutanga kuona hazviitike kazhinji . Pazvaiitika mukudzidza kwavo, zvaive zvakavakirwa zvakanyanya pakukwezva kwenyama. Izvi zvinotsigira dzidziso dzinoti tiri kusangana nazvo chido pakutanga kuonana.
Kunyangwe vanopfuura hafu yevatori vechikamu muchidzidzo cheZsok vakaonekwa sevakadzi, varume-vanoratidza varume vangangotaura kudanana kwekutanga. Kunyangwe ipapo, Zsok nechikwata chake vakanyora zviitiko izvi sevashambadziri.
Zvichida iyo inonyanya kunakidza tidbit kubuda muchidzidzo cheZsok hapana zviitiko zverudo rwekudzoreredza pakutanga kuona. Hapana. Izvo zvinoita kuti zvive nyore kuti rudo pakutanga pakuona chiitiko chega, chega.
Zvino, hazvireve kuti hazvigone kuitika.
Zviratidzo zvingava rudo pakutanga kuona
Vakaroorana vanosimbirira kuti vadanane pekutanga kuona vanogona kunge vachidzokorora kushandisa iyo label kumusangano wavo wekutanga. Mushure mekunge vapfuura ruchiva uye kukwezva uye mukunamatira, vanogona kutarisa kumashure nerudo munzira yehukama hwavo uye vafunge, Takaziva ipapo ipapo kuti ndizvo! Kana iwe uchida kuziva kana iwe uri kusangana nerudo pakutanga kuona, funga zvinotevera zviratidzo.
1. Unobatikana nekuziva zvakawanda
Imwe yakanaka yekutora kubva muchidzidzo chaZsok ndechekuti kuwana rudo pakutanga pakuona kunogona kungova chishuwo chekukurumidzira kuziva zvakawanda nezvemutorwa akakwana. Iko manzwiro ekuve akavhurika kune zvisingaperi zvingangoitika nemumwe munhu-izvo zvinotonhorera. Gadzirisa iyo instinct asi chenjerera iyo halo maitiro.
2. Kubatana kwemaziso
Sezvo rudo rwekudzoreredza pakuona kwekutanga kwakatonyanya kushoma pane kuzviona uri wega, nyatsoteerera kana ukaramba uchitarisana nemunhu mumwechete panguva yemanheru. Kutarisana nemeso kwakananga kune simba rinoshamisa. Zvidzidzo zvinoratidza pfungwa dzedu chaizvoizvo kukwira zvishoma pakuonana maziso nekuti tiri kuona kuti kumashure kwemaziso iwayo kune munhu anoziva, anofunga. Kana iwe usingakwanisi kuchengetedza maziso ako kubva kune umwe neumwe uropi, zvakakosha kutarisa.
3. Ruchiva runoperekedzwa nokunzwa kunyaradzwa
Kana tichida zvatinoona, tinganzwa pfungwa dzakaremerwa dzekunyaradzwa, kuda kuziva uye kuva netariro, anodaro Donna Novak, chiremba wepfungwa ane rezinesi ku. Simi Psychological Group . Zvinokwanisika kutenda manzwiro aya rudo, sezvo mumwe munhu ari kungoshamiswa nezvaari kuona. Vimba ura hwako kana ikatumira zviratidzo zvekuchiva netariro.
Zviratidzo zvingasava rudo pakutanga kuona
Pane zvakawanda zviri kuitika muuropi hwako zvatove nezuva remazuva ese, saka zvipe zororo kana watarisana newaungango roorana naye. Wako wetsinga uye endocrine masisitimu ari kuenda haywire, uye iwe unosungirwa kukanganisa moto nguva nenguva. Ingangove isiri rudo pakutanga kuona kana ...
1. Yapera ichangotanga
Kana pasina chishuwo chinononoka chekuziva zvakawanda uye kukwezva kwako kwekutanga kumunhu ari mubvunzo kunopera kana munhu mutsva angopinda, pamwe harusi rudo pakutanga kuona.
2. Uri kurojesa nokukurumidza
Dr. Britney Blair, avo vane zvitupa zvekurapa zvepabonde uye ari Chief Sainzi Mukuru weapp yezvepabonde. Mudiwa , inonyevera pamusoro pekurega rondedzero dzemunhu dzichitora mudhipatimendi remakemikari.
Kana tikabatanidza imwe rondedzero kune iyi neurochemical kuputika (‘ndiye ega kwandiri…’) tinogona kusimbisa kukanganiswa kweiyi yakasikwa neurochemical process, zvirinani kana kuipa. Chaizvoizvo, usanyore iyo RomCom usati wasangana nerudo rwekuda.
3. Muviri wako haubvumirani newe
Iwe unogona kusangana nemuenzaniso unoshamisa kwazvo wawati wamboona, asi kana ura hwako hukaoma kana kuti ukaona uchiyambuka maoko ako uye uchizviisa kure navo, teerera kune izvo zviratidzo. Chimwe chinhu chadzimwa. Iwe haufanire kumirira uchitenderedza kuti uone kuti chii kana iwe usingade. Dr. Laura Louis, chiremba wepfungwa ane rezinesi uye muridzi we Atlanta Couple Therapy , inopa mazano ekutsvaga zviratidzo izvi mune mumwe munhu, zvakare. Kusununguka kwekutaura uye mutauro wemuviri zvinhu zvese zviri mukutanga maonerwo, anodaro. Kana iwe ukatanga kusangana nemumwe munhu asingaoneki kuti anofarira kutaura newe (kureva maoko akayambuka, akatarisa kure, nezvimwewo) zvinogona kunge zvisiri kuisa.
Kana usina chokwadi, zvipe nguva. Rudo pakutanga pakuona inonakidza, yerudo pfungwa, asi zvechokwadi haisi iyo yega nzira yekusangana nemudiwa wezviroto zvako. Chingobvunza Juliet.
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